my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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