Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
