your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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