Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
