got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize