this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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