she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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