god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
