Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize