if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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