didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
youre lurking in front of me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
