so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
