therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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