It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
