Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
