You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
