her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
