we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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