I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
