so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
