I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
