I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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