Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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