Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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