You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
