I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
