1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
