oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it penis luge time yet?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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