it hurts more in the daytime
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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