Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
