what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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