So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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