FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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