I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
