I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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