I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
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I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
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Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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