She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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