If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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