I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
