so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
