she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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