I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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