We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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