THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
