And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
