Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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