someone get that fucking seahorse.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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