I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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