An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
