his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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