you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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