glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
