Jerry, you need to find god
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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