Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
