There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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