i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
