Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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