Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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