Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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