if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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