her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
